Conumdrum – Who’s on First?

I can’t ever talk to the hub about his work. I can’t ever talk to him about anything, and I don’t know why I ever thought I should ask him how his meeting went yesterday. He makes me so angry. He sits there and calls all his employees garbage, but he doesn’t ever stop to think that part of the problem might include himself. Just a few moments ago, he was  sort of re-enacting his interactions with his employees. He was saying how they almost blew production again yesterday so he pulled his supervisors to investigate who was to be held accountable and find the reason(s) why things weren’t going well. There’s a process that people weren’t following properly. He said that the supervisors are supposed to check trailer numbers that come up to the bay then walk in and check the computer to see if they match because sometimes the guys are being lazy pieces of **** and pull up the wrong trailer than the one they’re supposed to. The supes are “lazy pieces of ****” and look at the computer, write the number down, and then go outside to verify. Then he said they don’t verify. The actual verification is checking the number on the trailers first, then checking the computer. I said, what’s the difference as long as they match? He said, because they’re not actually verifying anything by writing the number down from the computer then going outside to look at the trailer. I still didn’t get it, so I said, but if the number on the truck matches, then what’s the problem? Then he says because everything gets shipped to the wrong city. So I ask again, how is it possible if the numbers match? Then he said, because they don’t verify. I’m thinking in my head, wtf? I really must be stupid because I’m not following. He reiterated how they’re supposed to check the trailer first, then the computer. So I’m like, ok they check the trailer, it’s #7, they walk in and see #10 on the computer… they still can fix it. So what’s the problem? Then he said because sometimes the computer is wrong. I’m like, how can the computer be wrong? The computer isn’t wrong, it’s the truck that got pulled up to the bay and the person who backed it in. Then he said the supes are lazy and they just write the number down from the computer and go out to “verify” the truck. At this point, he’s practically yelling at me in frustration. So I say, ok, but if the person sees #10 on the computer, then they walk out and see #7 in the bay, then they know it’s the wrong trailer and they can fix it. Then he says, they don’t check the trailer. I’m like, but you just said they did. Then he goes on again about how guys sometimes pull up the wrong truck to the bay and it screws the next people down the line. Now I get frustrated. So I’m like, why don’t they just have him move it and get the right one? Then it would keep things in order. It would take just a couple of minutes. If everyone is so pressed for time, what’s a couple minutes if it prevents packages going to the wrong city? If everyone is so worried about time, then I can see why people are writing the number down first and going out to the truck to look at its number. They do it to cut time. Who wants to keep walking back and forth, anyway? Why don’t they radio it, then?  He was mad at me, “because people can hear wrong!” They have to follow the process or it gets screwed up. I said, I understand they’re supposed to follow the process, but if the numbers match I don’t see the problem. If the numbers don’t match, then why don’t they just have the truck changed out? So he proceeds to bark at me, “If they see it doesn’t match when they get to the computer, they can just edit it in 2 seconds!” I asked how do you edit a truck with its whole list of packages to be loaded? He said it was easy. Then I said, well maybe they don’t understand and think the same thing I do. He said, “I walk them through it.” I said, “Yeah, but everyone is under a lot of stress. They’re probably thinking of 10 other things that they have to do while you’re trying to show them & they can’t remember it all. Why don’t you have them bring a small flip fold notebook and write it down?” He yells, “Write what down?” I said, “the process”. He yells, “They know the process.” I said, well maybe they can’t remember! You’re hard to understand when you’re yelling or mumbling because you leave things out. You need to work on your communication. People learn differently.  He’s like,  I take them out and show them what to do! I said, yeah, but some people learn by seeing it on paper. Others learn by doing. Others learn by visual. Some people get confused under stress. They have a million things to be conscious of at the same time and maybe they forget. He said they take shortcuts and they screw up. Something interrupts them, and they forget to check the trailer and they just see the number they had written down and it messes everything up when they have to report it at the end. *DING DING DING! Why didn’t he just say that, I wonder, instead of us going through all this? Then he re-enacted portions of him talking to them in a condescending tone, so that pushed my button.

I interject, “See? What makes you think it’s ok to talk to them like that?”

He said, “Because we’ve gone over it many times & they still don’t do what they’re supposed to.”

I’m like, “Oh… like how your wife tells you… and you get mad at me when I start speaking to you in a condescending way.

He got mad, “This is why I never tell you anything about work.”

So I said, “Well, how is it different then?”

He said, “Because I’ve gone over it a million times with them.”

I said, “Yeah. Like how I do with you.”

Then he steams.

Pause… Then I got out of bed in a huff and said, “You never listen. You think, ‘whatever, you don’t even work so f* you.’ And I’m telling you, you can’t treat people like they’re supposed to be automatons and be cold-hearted, businesslike especially under that kind of stress. Not everyone can be like that. It takes more than just following process to be a manager. You have to look at every one of your employees and see them. EVERY one of them. You need to know how they learn best, what their strengths and weaknesses are, and how to handle them. It’s not cookie cutter. You think I’m stupid, but as a layperson, I am telling you that if it’s not clear to me what you’re saying, there’s a possibility it’s not clear to them, either. You get upset with me because you take a ding to your ego or pride or whatever, but what about theirs? Why would they even do anything if they already feel like they’re “pieces of sh*t” at their jobs anyway? Yeah they’re going to take shortcuts if they have to because they don’t want you or any of their bosses breathing down their necks or threatening their jobs every 15 minutes. You’ve been at this job what, 20 years? They’ve been at it maybe 3? 2? I don’t f*ing know.”

Then I stormed out of our room and here I am typing, trying to make sense of it all.

Guess what? I don’t. That company hires people to be supervisors because they have a degree, but no experience in what it takes to do the work. They weren’t in the trenches. Then they promote people who started in the trenches that can’t handle the stress load or can’t see the wide picture of all that goes on at the same time. They have to see all the parts simultaneously and be able to predict the areas that are starting to break down before it fails so they have time to fix it. The people in HR don’t understand what exactly they need to look for in a potential employee or they can’t find someone to fill the shoes. Then they have problems because they don’t have the right people doing the jobs! It’s patchwork. A bust here, a bust there. Run here, run there. Scream at each other. Berate each other. Management mad at HR. Employees mad at the rest of them. Shareholders crying foul into their blankies if they don’t make money off their backs.

I also don’t understand how he can be so hard on everyone and call them lazy when he doesn’t exactly do anything around the house that NEEDS to be done. If what needed to be done was the be-all and end-all then why isn’t he sucking it up and DOING it then? Does that mean he’s a lazy piece of sh*t, too? Like other people don’t have lives outside of that job. No, there can’t be anything outside that might affect their performance and retention. They can’t be tired. And no, they’re not allowed to be new at it. They have to be 100%, every second. You know, he was new at one time. There were people willing to take the time to mentor him and give him 2nd chances, but I guess he has a short memory. ARRRRGH! I f*ing hate this world and I wish I were dead so I don’t have to hear, see, taste, touch, or smell it anymore. It’s so angry, so cut-throat, so cold. We’re not allowed to be happy. We’re supposed to pretend emotions don’t exist. He expects it from everyone because he’s a boss. He requires it of himself. Well, I don’t want to live that way. I feel like it’s making me. He’s making me. Would you? It’s like being trapped and poisoned. That’s the real global warming if you ask me. We make everything so complicated in the name of “progress” for “success”. How is it really easier when you trade manual labor for toxic attitudes, destruction, and “chasing the wind”? Manual labor teaches value. It levels your ass. It also keeps you busy enough to be exhausted at the end of the day to even have the energy to fight one another. Waste time fighting, you don’t eat. You freeze. You lose resources, whatever. Fighting happens because something in yourself is offended. You want to be more important. You want to defend yourself and all that you think you are. We rape the Earth, we rape each others minds, then we go on to lusting after the things we want with no satisfaction in sight. It’s the dumbest pile of * and a total waste of time. We literally are here because of these stupid desires. Even wanting to die is a demonstration of personal will/desire. Maniacal laugh: Maybe we are here because we are the “fallen” ones, desiring to chase after selfish wants instead of worshiping a ‘Creator’ if there is one. No, we couldn’t possibly humble ourselves and give in. We can’t just exist, naturally. We sooooo have to have more. Want more. Find out more than maybe we were ever meant to & it’s destroying everything. We’re here because we value personal will. We will be here as long as it takes to break down and give in. That’s what I see these days. It’s a mercy game. I don’t want to arm wrestle. Yet I still do, don’t I? That’s why I’m still here, isn’t it? Watch the child throw a tantrum while his/her parent tries to hold him/her still until they tire out from the fatigue of thrashing about. Whatever, I’m probably just stupid: stupid little hamster… run on your wheel as if you can escape. Somebody pet me so I can feel better and do it all again tomorrow. They will. Why? Because we’re all headed in the same direction. We feed each other. We will all break down the barriers until we can’t see where one begins and one ends. Who knows, maybe that’s where we’ll find “God”. That’s the real reason I stay in the bubble. My head will explode. There are so many people, so much energy, so much of it all. Yes? The feeling is intense.